


Under False Pretenses

by UnluckyStar57



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Community: HPFT, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, ace!James, bi!Lily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7618729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnluckyStar57/pseuds/UnluckyStar57
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fake relationships were <i>so</i> much more annoying than they seemed.</p>
<p>"This is how people hug, Evans. If I'd known that you were ignorant on this matter, I would've tutored you sooner."</p>
<p>
  <i>a Modern Muggle Jily AU of novella-length proportions, some duplicity included</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Half-Conceived Plans

“I don’t know, Lily,” James sighed, scratching the back of his head. “It seems kind of risky, doesn’t it?”

Lily laughed. He hated it when she did that, because it made his heart beat just a bit faster. “Since when were you the cautious one? You’re practically the poster child for risky business. I thought you would’ve been all for this.”

James put his cup of tea down on the table and shook his head. She had called him an hour before to ask him to come over to her flat, and when Lily Evans called, James Potter always answered. He’d had no idea that she would want to suggest something like this, and now he was trying to talk her out of it. 

“It just isn’t… realistic, you know?” he said after a moment of silence. “I don’t think any of my friends would buy it, and yours definitely wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, but they’re not going to find out!” Lily argued. “Come on, James, it’s just for a weekend, and you don’t even have to hold my hand if you don’t want to.”

He laughed weakly, trying not to think about how much he actually wanted to hold her hand. “That’s not the issue. I’m just not sure that you’ve thought this through enough.”

“Ugggh,” she groaned, throwing one of the couch pillows at him. “When did you become a grown up? You don’t ever think anything through!”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ve changed!” he retorted, tossing the pillow back at her. “Attending university really makes you rethink some of your previous life choices.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Whatever, James. But seriously, I need you to do this for me.”

“Why, though? Your sister’s getting married, big deal.”

“Under normal circumstances, I would agree that it isn’t such a big deal, especially since Vernon Dursley is a fat, sexist walrus. However, I may have already…” Her voice trailed off and James leaned towards her.

“Already what?”

“I may have already told her that Ihaveaboyfriend.” 

His laugh was genuine this time. “You didn’t! Why would you do something like that?”

“I don’t know!” she moaned. “She’s always talking about Vernon and how great he is, and saying that it’s such a pity that I haven’t found a man like him. And last week I just snapped and started making things up.”

“And I was the only person you could think of?” James asked incredulously. “What about Sirius, the handsome one? Or Remus, the smart one?”

“Sirius has a motorbike,” Lily scoffed. “Besides, Petunia would never believe that I would date someone who wears leather on a regular basis. And Remus would’ve been ideal, actually, but Petunia’s met him before. And she knows that he’s in love with Sirius. So you were the only option, really.”

“Ah, but you forgot Peter,” he pointed out. “What’s wrong with the Cheddar Meister?”

“The fact that you call him the Cheddar Meister, for one. For another, Vernon went to university, and Peter isn’t even considering it. I needed a college man, and you were the first one that came to mind.”

“Yeah, because my list of accomplishments is so long and substantial. University, wow. I’ve done so much.”

“Oh stop being sarcastic,” Lily nudged him. “You’ve played football for years, you’ve been the captain of your league since last season, and you’re majoring in law enforcement. It all sounds very impressive, in theory. Petunia seemed impressed when I told her.”

“So glad to have your sister’s approval,” he muttered. 

“Yeah, actually it’s pretty good, because maybe she won’t hate you when she meets you,” she shot back. “Are you in, or aren’t you?”

Her green eyes bored into his, and the way her hair caught the light was incredible. James could feel himself giving in, just as he always did when Lily begged him for help on one of his schemes. “Wait a moment, Evans. If you’re going to ask me, make sure you do it properly.” He stuck his nose up in the air. “Because I’m worth it.”

“Well, alright,” she said, getting down on one knee and taking his hand. “James Potter, will you fake-date me for a whole weekend and allow me to show you off to my sister and her atrocious wedding guests?”

He grinned. “When you put it that way, how could I resist?”

*

“Are you sure you know what to say?” Lily asked, wringing her hands. It was the weekend of the wedding, and she and James were about to check into the posh hotel that Petunia had chosen for the venue.

“Yes, I’m sure. We’ve got everything covered—a plausible backstory, a collection of stereotypical memories—I mean, what more do we really need?” James asked, lifting their suitcases out of his car.

“I think we’ll be sharing a room,” she said nervously, her eyes wide. “I might’ve told Petunia…”

James groaned. “You told her that we were _doing it?_ ”

“I don't know, maybe! I wasn’t thinking!” Lily shouted, startling a nearby flock of pigeons. “And I’m sure that if I had been thinking at the time, I would’ve chosen a boy who doesn’t refer to having sex as ‘doing it.’”

“Yeah, well. It’s all the same thing,” James mumbled. “Are we actually going to go inside, or are we going to stand out here in this car park for the whole weekend?”

“No, let’s go inside.” She grabbed her suitcase from him and strode towards the hotel. He had to walk very quickly to catch up with her.

“Whoa, slow down, tiger. And shouldn’t I carry your suitcase, since we are dating and all?”

She slapped him on the arm. “No, you git. I don’t need your chivalry right now.”

“Alright,” he said, and they walked in silence up to the door of the hotel. He graciously held the door for Lily, chuckling as she muttered about being capable of opening her own doors.

However, when they stood side by side, staring at the lavish interior of the lobby, he felt her hand slip gently into his.

“Evans, I thought you said I didn’t have to hold your hand,” he whispered to her.

“Shut up, Potter.”


	2. Plans Go Awry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Off to a rocky start, but somehow surviving.

There were very few guests in the hotel lobby, but Lily felt like the world was watching her. She suddenly felt like a total fake, standing stupidly in the lobby holding the hand of a boy that she was pretending to date. Her face was hot, but oddly enough, James’s hand in hers didn’t seem at all out of place. She pretended that she was in awe of the beautiful interior design so that she didn’t have to see the smirk that was probably on his face.  


The only person who was actually watching James and Lily take in the grandeur of the lobby was an aging doorman. Everyone else—the handful of society wives and banking husbands—were too busy being posh to notice two teenagers in rumpled clothes.  


“Miss,” the doorman said kindly. “Welcome to Longueville Manor. You can check in at the front desk whenever you and your friend are ready.”  


Lily snapped out of her daze and started forward, pulling James with her. “Thank you, sir.”  


James appreciated the softness of Lily’s hand, but he didn’t appreciate being jerked around. “Evans, if you want to disconnect my hand from my body, I’ll need to sign a waiver,” he grimaced. “Or if you want to walk around holding my hand, I’ll want some advance notice.”  


“Right, Potter. Sorry,” Lily rolled her eyes and let go of his hand. “Forgot you were there for a minute.”  


He smirked. “Sure you did.”  


Lily felt another blush coming on, but they had reached the vast front desk. She nodded to the clerk, trying to regain some sense of normalcy. Why was James Potter so good at teasing her?  


“Good afternoon,” the clerk said pompously. “Last name, please.”  


“Evans,” Lily breathed, letting out some pent-up nerves. She was really at this fancy hotel, checking in for her older sister’s wedding _with a boy_. Surely dreams were stranger than this. “We’re here for the Dursley-Evans wedding.”  


The clerk clicked away at his Apple computer. “Ah yes, I see. You and Mr. Evans will be staying in room 457.”  


“Thank y—wait,” Lily wasn’t sure if she’d heard the clerk correctly or if she was actually crazy. “I’m not married to him. We’re not married. He isn’t my husband. Do y—”  


James grabbed her flailing arms before she could accidentally slap the bemused clerk in the face. “What my _girlfriend_ means to say,” he said politely. “Is that she doesn’t want to tie herself down to me. Yet. I’m lucky that she’s stuck with me this far.” He laughed pleasantly, but the clerk simply stared. “Right, anyway…”  


“Here are your keys,” the clerk said pointedly. “The lift is to my right. Have a nice stay at Longueville Manor.”  


Once the lift doors closed, James burst out laughing. “Evans, that was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen you do. You’re such an awful liar.”  


Lily buried her face in her hands. “I thought I could do this, but I just can’t,” she moaned. “I can’t pretend that I’m dating you, it’s too weird. Tuney will see right through me.”  


“Hey, we can’t be _that_ bad. I think we make a handsome couple,” James patted Lily on the back. “This will just take some getting used to, yeah?”  


She glared at him and he backed away. “It wasn’t like you were any better at it. You opened your big mouth and suddenly some judgmental clerk thinks that I don’t want to ‘tie myself down to you.’” She included air quotes. “You made me look like a frigid bitch or something!”  


James rolled his eyes. “Come on, Lily, this is the twenty-first century! You don’t have to tie yourself down to me until you absolutely want to. It doesn’t matter what some clerk thinks. Besides, I like our…unconventional relationship.” He winked as the slow lift finally ground to a halt. “We complement each other very well.”  


“Whatever,” Lily scoffed, picking up her suitcase. “Let’s just get to our room and discuss what we need to do next.”  


She strode off down the plushly-carpeted hallway with James scrambling to keep up. He tried not to stare too much at the way her auburn hair bounced in its ponytail, messy from the long day of driving. This was her mess to clean up, but he had admittedly made it worse. They would have to get better at being around each other in a more couple-ish capacity.  


“Yoo-hoo, Lily!” a voice from behind James stopped the pair in their tracks. They turned around to be greeted by a vision in pink. “Don’t you want to come say hello to your big sister?”  


Instantly, Lily straightened up and put a wide, fake smile on her face. Abandoning her suitcase in the middle of the hallway, she grabbed James’s hand and met her sister halfway. “Tuney, you’re looking lovely today.”  


Petunia Evans (soon-to-be-Dursley) smiled, revealing a smudge of lipstick on her horsey front teeth. She had overdone her makeup that morning, or so it seemed, as her eyeliner was overwhelmingly thick and her foundation looked to be layered on. Additionally, she was wearing the most interesting dress that had ever been seen, with its various frills and alternating stripes and polka dot patterns. James wanted to laugh, but tried to maintain a polite smile. Lily was far prettier than her sister.  


“Well, give me a hug, sister dear,” Petunia simpered, holding out her arms. “It’s been far too long.”  


Lily let go of James’s hand (reluctantly, it seemed) to embrace Petunia for a split second. “Yes it has,” she said sweetly, her voice a little too high. “How have things been with Vernon?”  


“Oh, Vernie is just the _sweetest_ man,” Petunia squealed. “He took me out to brunch yesterday before the guests started to arrive, and told me that he would be so happy when we move into our own little house and have Sunday brunch together. But you can see him at dinner tonight.” Petunia turned her blue-eyed gaze on Lily’s companion. “And who might this be?”  


“Oh, where are my manners?” Lily shrieked, nearly splitting James’s eardrums. God, but she was nervous. “Petunia, this is my boyfriend. James Potter.”  


“Hello, Miss Evans,” James held out his hand to shake, trying to turn on the charm. “I’ve heard so much about you.”  


The older Evans sister took his hand and shook it limply. “Have you? It’s all lies, I’m sure. Although I can’t say the same thing about you. Lily never even mentioned you until I told her that my Vernie had proposed! I never know what she gets up to at that University of Hogwarts up in the wilds of Scotland. You simply _must_ tell me all of her little secrets!”  


Clearly, long-windedness was a defining character trait for this woman. James pretended to be scandalized, nudging Lily in the side. “You never mentioned me to your family, Lily-Pad? Are you embarrassed of me? Is it my hair?” To emphasize his speech, he ran his fingers slowly through the aforementioned (carelessly tousled) hair and shot a dazzling grin at Petunia.  


Lily nudged him back. “Oh, Jamie-Bear, stop teasing us! Tuney, we’ve only been dating since the middle of December. I didn’t want to say anything in case it didn’t work out.”  


Petunia raised her eyebrows. “It’s March now. That’s quite a long time to keep your boyfriend a secret!” She smirked. “But I suppose that if you’ve requested to share a room, things are rather serious! Now, I really must run, Lily. See to it that you’re not late for dinner!”  


And with a flutter of daintily-painted pink fingers, Petunia Evans sauntered away.  


Lily waited until she was gone to breathe a sigh of relief. “Thanks, James. I think we were pretty convincing. Well, better than with the desk clerk, at any rate.”  


“I think we both panicked at the desk,” James admitted with a sheepish grin. “But you actually requested to share a room with me? I feel so honored.”  


She shook her head, but didn’t answer his teasing. They walked back down the hallway side by side, stopping to pick up their suitcases. James grabbed hers before she could protest, so she scanned the room numbers, looking for theirs.  


“You know, I really think we need to work on this,” James said. His muscles were being put to use with Lily’s heavy luggage, and he huffed lightly as he spoke. “Clearly your sister is oblivious, but I’m afraid that her Vernie might see through us. He seems like a right sharp bloke.”  


Lily finally choked out a laugh. “I know you’re kidding, but still, it’s just too funny.” She stopped at room 457 and unlocked it smoothly with the key card. “That man is horribly stupid. He may have gone to college, but he graduated at the bottom of his class and apparently never learned anything. He’s just a—”  


“A fat, sexist walrus, I know,” James grinned, tossing the luggage inside the door. “You might have mentioned that. A few thousand times.”  


“Right, well, it bears repeating,” Lily huffed, stepping into the room in front of him. “But I agree with you, we need to—oh. Oh fuck. This isn’t going to work.”  


“Wait, what’s wrong? Have you suddenly realized that you’re in unrequited love with Peter and you wish you’d chosen him to come and charm your sister with his Cheddar Meister ways?”  


“Shut up and look.” James gazed in the direction that she was pointing, towards the bed.  


“Yes, it’s a bed?”  


“A _bed_.”  


“Mhmm. A bed.”  


“A _singular bed_ , James.”  


Finally, the truth dawned on him. Or rather, hit him lightly on the forehead, like Lily reached out and did. “Ouch. Yeah, that might be a problem.”  


Lily scoffed. “And you call yourself a law enforcement major. Ohhh, what are we going to do about this?! I can share a room with you, but I am _not_ going to sleep in the same bed! I’m going to _kill_ my sister!”  


“To her credit, it’s sort of your fault, isn’t it?” James asked, flopping down onto the comfy bed. “You told her that we were sleeping together.”  


“No, I _insinuated_ that we were sleeping together. I expected the shared room, but I thought it would at least have two beds!” Lily paced the room in front of the large television, pulling at her hair, which had escaped completely from its ponytail.  


James wanted to laugh at her because she was so flustered and—he couldn’t deny it—so _adorable_. But it had already been a long day of arguing over cover stories and sharing too much information with a desk clerk and playing pretend around Lily’s sister, so he simply laid back onto the thousands of feather pillows on the bed.  
“It’s going to be okay, Lil. Come sit down and let’s talk about this.”  


Lily stopped pacing and shot James a confused look. “You’re surprisingly calm about all of this.”  


“Yeah, I guess I’ve figured out that this is going to be a crazy weekend, and we might as well go along for the ride. And if both of us can’t calm down, how do you think we’re going to convince your entire family that we’re actually a thing? Besides, these pillows are _amazing_.”  


Lily sat gingerly on the bed next to him. “You’re right. I really need to calm down and get my head screwed on straight.”  


“Lily Margaret Evans, telling me that _I’m_ right?! This is a new development!”  


A pillow hit James in the stomach and he gasped. “That’s not my middle name, you twat.”  


*  


James had met Lily during their freshman year at the University of Hogwarts, when every student was required to take a freshman literature seminar to fulfill their English credit. He, along with Sirius, had been fortunate enough to be in the same class, and they ruled the room from the back row. The teacher, a graduate student who was entirely too passionate about _The Odyssey_ , had no control over them.  


It took Lily Evans, freshman English major with the wildest red hair that James Potter had ever seen, to rein them in. She stopped James one day after class, eyes flashing.  


“Potter, you and Black need to stop picking on Professor Quirrel.”  


He had laughed at her. “Why should I, Owens? It isn’t as if his class is interesting or anything.”  


“My name is Lily _Evans._ It’s a name you’d do well to remember in the future, Potter, because I can become your biggest enemy if I need to be.”  


“Whoa, that’s big talk from such a short person,” he smirked.  


“I’ll make sure that Headmaster Dumbledore knows about how you’re cutting up in his favorite professor’s class. He won’t like that very much, will he? He’s good friends with your parents, after all.”  


“Wait, how do you know that?”  


It was her turn to smirk. “There’s a whole wing of the Library named after your family, along with a plaque dedicating it to them. And I work in the administrative offices. I’ve scheduled luncheons for Dumbledore and your parents. It wasn’t difficult to figure out, especially since you strut around here like you own the place.”  


“Do not.”  


“Yes you do. But that’s neither here nor there. I’m not going to tell him if you promise to stop picking on the poor teacher. And if you just don’t understand _The Odyssey_ , arguably the most important epic in history, you can come to evening study group sometime.”  


James was taken aback. For all her threats, Lily Evans was a rather nice (pretty) girl. “I-I might take you up on that, then.”  


“Great,” she grinned. “Tuesdays at eight o’clock in your parents’ wing of the Library. See you there.”  


“Your sass is not intimidating!” he called after her, but he knew that he would be there. Lily Evans was an interesting person and he wanted to know more about her.  


James and Sirius stopped picking on their hapless professor, and over their four years at the University of Hogwarts, Lily and James became good friends.  


*  


The hotel room, despite its major flaw of only containing one bed, was spacious enough that James and Lily could stay as far apart from one another as they wanted. (Not that James minded being close to Lily, of course. But that was a different story.) After she had calmed down, Lily spent her afternoon lounging on the couch, flipping through channels on the television. James was reading one of his favorite crime drama novels on the bed, trying not to doze off in the calming late afternoon sunlight that streamed in through the windows.  


Finally, Lily forced herself to get up. “James.”  


James’s attempts to stay awake had failed. “Whaa?”  


She giggled at his drool-streaked face and crooked glasses. “We really should talk about this—whatever it is—before we go down for dinner.”  


He was fully awake now. “Right.” He wiped some drool off of his cheek. “What’s your game plan?”  


“Euggh, Potter. You’re disgusting.” She squealed when he tossed a pillow at her, but got back down to business. “You remember the backstory that we talked about on the way here, right?”  


He nodded. “The same as what actually happened, only with more fireworks and romance. And obviously, you fell for me first.”  


“Don’t make things up” she shot back. “If anyone fell first—in this hypothetical alternate universe where we’re somehow in love—then it was you.”  


James shrugged. “As you wish. But if I fell first, you spilled ice cream all over yourself on our first date.”  


“I’ll take it. I might be the embarrassing one, but you’re the one who’s so hopelessly in love that he can’t even look at anyone else.”  


“You’re right.” It felt weird to confess his feelings, even if Lily thought that they were totally fake. “I’m so blinded by my love for you that every time I see a carrot, my heart skips a beat.”  


“Hey! I’m not a _ginger!_ ”  


He laughed. “Chill out, I’m just messing with you. Honestly, Lily, I think that if we stick to our story—with a few embellishments, of course—we can fool people. The thing we really need to work on is a bit more complicated.”  


“Wh-what do you mean?” Lily stammered. “I thought I had everything covered.”  


“I thought you had too, but actually pretending to fake-date you reminded me of one crucial thing,” James said. “Did you realize that, besides nearly strangling my hand to death and slapping me around a little when I was being a git, you didn’t touch me at all? In fact, you have this habit of keeping at least two feet of space between us at all times.”  


“So? I don’t like germs, and you’ve got germs by the bushel.”  


James heaved himself from the bed and stepped toward her. He smirked when she stepped back. “Lily, it’s your senior year of university and you’ve never been in a serious relationship. Have you?”  


“N-no,” she admitted. “There was Mary McDonald sophomore year, but that didn’t last more than a week. I didn’t _have_ to become one of those awful clingy couples with her.”  


“That’s true, I forgot about her,” James mused. “But you’ve got no experience with the scary realm of long-term coupledom, and I do. Trust me, we might be unconventional by anyone’s standards, but all of your aunts and grandmas and cousins will be expecting the same thing.”  


“I’m not kissing you in front of my family.”  


“I didn’t ask you to!” He raised his hands up in surrender. “But we will have to dance. Tonight’s the rehearsal dinner, isn’t it?”  


“Oh, bloody hell,” Lily huffed. “You’re right. Again.”  


“Music to my ears,” he smiled. “Now let’s try to make this work, shall we?”  


“What do you want me to do?”  


“Just stand there. Don’t move, or you might stress yourself out. And this is nothing, really.”  


His head buzzed with the lie, because this was _very much something_ for him. Shaking off those thoughts, he smiled reassuringly as he stepped closer to her. She didn’t move, but she looked very, very tense.  


“What are you doing?”  


He was close enough to put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m just going to give you a hug.”  


“Oh…oh! That makes sense!” She looked up into his eyes nervously. “Carry on, then.”  


Before she could take it back, James pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her own arms hung uselessly (and comically) over his until he guided them to the ticklish spot on the back of his neck.  


“This is how people hug, Evans. If I’d known that you were ignorant on this matter, I would’ve tutored you sooner.”  


She pulled back and swatted him on the shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”  


“And you’re an absolutely delight. Now, shall we get ready to face our fate? I can’t wait to meet your parents. I hope they’re just like you.” James let go of her waist and she pushed past him to get to the bathroom.

“Sometimes I think I hate you, James Potter.”

“You love me, really,” he called back in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... it's been ages since I've written fanfiction, but I'm cross-posting this chapter from HPFF. Maybe I'll post more someday? Anyway, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm basically Jily trash, and this is a product of the Jily Valentine's Day event from February 2015. Although it took me an entire year, I finally decided to continue this story because it was just too cute to leave it alone. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
